“The point is that neuroses don’t have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other’s “crazy” side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.” ― John M. Gottman
I will help put out the fires, establish conditions for productively sorting through the fog, creating a relationship where you and your partner can grow and connect at a deep and meaningful level. That’s not always easy: Everyone needs to be heard and feel equal in the session, but also honest about what isn’t working and why, so we can go about changing that.
In couple's therapy you’re taking the first step to giving up on idealism and moving towards building a better, more realistic relationship. Idealism can present as:
My partner and I should never fight.
I should trust my partner no matter what (what’s wrong with me if I have doubts?).
We should have an easier time making sex fun and meaningful.
I shouldn’t ever think about leaving.
We shouldn’t have to work this hard.
In great couples therapy, we root out these ideals and the ways they can interfere with creating a messy, imperfect but wonderful, loving relationship. When we move the "shoulds" out of the way, we can be authentic and get to work.
I help couples question what relationship they want to create and help them build it.
Being a male couples therapist gives the session a distinct clinical advantage when:
It comes to issues of sexuality, many men are far more comfortable talking about their struggles with a male counselor.
It is not uncommon for men to express the fear that it will be “two against one” with a female couples therapist.
Some relationship challenges such as stonewalling and passive-aggressive behavior are generally male behaviors. As a skillful male relationship counselor, I can help a male client reflect on these issues in a judgment free environment.
I am mindful to model healthy expression and personal grounding for my male clients. As a skilled male couples therapist, I seek to consciously model healthy adaptive behavior.
Couples therapy is an investment in your relationship and frankly, much less expensive and far more rewarding than divorce!
“Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right.” ― John Gottman